BROKEN DREAMS
I grew up as an only child, adopted by Italian parents, who always taught me that family always came first. One of the advantages to being an only child is you get everything you ask for. My adopted parents did everything possible to make me happy, except provide me with a brother/sister - something I wish I had.
When I turned 13, I found out I did have 2 sisters, by my biological mother, and 3 sisters and 1 brother by my biological father. At that time, I was the happiest person on earth. But now, at 43, I realize having a "big" family is not No. 1 on my list.
You see, also when I turned 13, I found out I was adopted and had a set of biological parents. That's when I started to run away from home to live with my biological father. On and off for about 2 years, I lived in a small 2 bedroom in Yonkers, NY with my sisters, brother, father, and step-mother. It was a very happy time for me. I remember helping my father on his hot dog truck along with my brother and sisters and feeling that I belonged there. I thought to myself, "this is how life is supposed to be". However, due to the fact that I had ran away from my adopted parents home, I had to return to them, unwillingly, but yet knowing that their home was my "true" home. I have visited my biological father's home often throughout the years. But now that my sisters, brother and I have grown older, the closeness I once felt with them is gone.
My biological father doesn't contact me as often as a father does his daughter. I went to one of his daughter's weddings. Even though I was amongst family, I still felt like an outsider. One of my sisters wouldn't even speak to me and as I watched my father and his daughter dance the father/daughter dance, tears came to my eyes, not only because I was happy for her, but I also felt a tinge of jealousy. My sisters and brother all led normal "family" lives whereas I didn't - my life was disrupted when my biological family contacted me when I was 13 years old - fragile and naive - and informed me that my adopted parents weren't my "real" parents and that I should run away from home to be with them - which I did over a span of 4 years. So, you see why now I feel like my dreams of a future similar to my sisters and brother was broken.
As for my 2 half-sisters from my biological mother's side, I found one sister, Roxane, back in 1991, in Arizona. Roxane and I kept in touch for about 6 months then for almost 9 years, I didn't hear from her. Right before Christmas 2000, I received a phone call from her, from Arizona, and I thought we would not lose contact again. I didn't hear from her again until about April 2002, and that was the last I heard from her. She visited our mother in April 2002, but she hasn't heard from her since either.
As for Jodi, my other half-sister, I spent 9 years looking for her. I searched the internet and made phone calls, but to no avail. Then, in April 2000, my biological mother called me with fantastic news - Jodi had called her from a search that Jodi did on her own, looking for our mother. Jodi and I talked on the phone a few times and I was elated and overwhelmed. I finally felt a sense of completeness. Jodi informed me that she was working at NBC, which just so happened to be right around the corner from where I was working. So, one day, after work, I decided to surprise her and go to her job to meet her for the first time. I was extremely excited - thinking to myself that it would be a reunion like the ones you see on some talk shows. Well, that dream was broken also. When I met Jodi face-to-face, no tears flowed from neither of our eyes, and Jodi was in a rush to get back home to her kids and husband in New Jersey. Rather than sit down and talk about what we missed throughout the years, all we did was hug each other once, walk 2 blocks together, and she was off to catch a bus to go home. So much for a joyous reunion.
In March 2003, our mother visited from Florida for 3 days. On her last day here, I met her at Jodi's house. It was a very nice visit (I did feel uncomfortable however) but I got to know my niece and nephew - Sydney and Sean. Beautiful children!! May God Bless the both of them. Jodi and I conversed for a while, I ate dinner there, then left about 2 hours later. I decided that from that day on, not to interfere in her life. I'm sure another day will come, if it is our destiny, that we will meet again.
However, I am in contact , not regularly though, with my biological mother. We email, call, and write each other often. My cousins (my mother's sisters' children)and her are the only ties to my "biological family". I'm appreciative of this, but, we aren't in regular contact with each other, and it really doesn't bother me at all. I remember when I dreamt about all of us meeting: my brother, 5 sisters, and myself - but that will never happen either.....